Thursday, April 14, 2016

Let's Spread Love, Not Hate. Bullying In Any Form Is Never Okay! - Special Giveaway

I fought myself on whether or not I was going to write this post or just let the incident go.  In this day and age where bullying is a huge epidemic, I felt the need to use my platform at Book Mama Blog to address something.  I have always tried my best to be kind, not to judge people and respect others’ uniqueness.  For me, I don’t smoke, drink, or do drugs.  However, I do enjoy the art of tattoos and have chosen, for many years, to express myself with them.  Ten years ago I lost my daughter.  She was the love of my life, my little side-kick and the person who brought me so much joy.  She was always by my side, and when I lost her, I lost a piece of myself.  I have chosen to add tattoos in remembrance of her.  Recently, I finished up a piece on my back that I call Samantha’s Garden.  It’s a grouping of bright, colorful, vibrant flowers (which my daughter always loved feeling and smelling flowers, as she was blind and it was her way of enjoying the beauty that they are), a butterfly with a halo (ever since she passed butterflies, specifically Monarch butterflies, make me think of her), and a leukemia awareness ribbon (the horrible disease that took her life).  After having my tattoo finished I shared it on Facebook, where I share much of my life with my “friends.”  I got many likes and comments to the tattoo.  Not just from people who knew my daughter, but from people who respected my choice in memorializing her with them.  However, I got one comment that was not very nice, that I chose to delete.  It was from an author that I was friends with on FB.  We were not close friends by any means, but being a book blogger I have many author friends on FB.  She commented on my picture with … I don’t understand the popularity of permanently scarring your body.  As stated, I deleted it and chose to address this in a more private manner.  This is how the messages went until she chose
to unfriend me:  Me:  Although I appreciate your opinion about tattoos, I deleted your comment.  My daughter suffered a horrific death after being diagnosed with leukemia.  This is the way I choose to memorialize her.  I know not all people enjoy the art of tattoos, but it's my way of saying that my daughter will always have my back.  Her: I had people die horrible deaths too. I don't feel the need to scar myself in their honor.  Me: That's your right to have that opinion, but you should be ashamed of yourself for passing judgement on how I choose to memorialize my daughter.  At this last message she did me a favor by unfriending me.  It really hurt my spirit for a moment that someone would be so cruel and insensitive to how I choose to grieve.  I am a firm believer that you should never judge a book by its cover.  We are all unique, beautiful creatures.  As long as we are good people and don’t do things to hurt others, who are we to tell others what to do or how to live their lives?  Because of this person’s comments that really dug deep, I want to do something to spread love and happiness.  Something I try to do on a regular basis.  One winner will win a basket full of things that make me happy.  I’m not sure what the contents are yet, but I assure you that it will be things that will bring a smile to the winner’s face.  Comment below and share something positive.  It can be anything and you are entered.  If you choose to share more than one thing, put each in separate comments.  That way each can be considered an entry.  Giveaway will be international and will close at midnight on April 21.  Let’s be kind to one another, respect the things that make us all unique and open your minds and hearts to new things.  There is too much hate in this world.  We need to flood the world with more kindness!   

128 comments:

  1. What a beautiful way to honor your daughter!

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  2. That is a beautiful tattoo and a wonderful way to memorialize your daughter. And as a mother who lost a young daughter (she was 21 and driving after drinking) I know that she will never leave my heart, nor do I want her to, but if I can find a positive way to think of her it helps me. I have chosen to have many little decorating items that were hers in my home and smile whenever I see them. Good for you for speaking back to that thoughtless, and cruel, person.

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    1. I'm so sorry for your loss. As a parent, it's our worst nightmare to lose a child. I believe that no parent should outlive their children. I hope you find comfort in the items that remind you of her. xoxo

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  3. Wow, Marlene. Why oh why would anyone choose to be that way? Anyone who knows you (even, like me, only from our online discussions and posts - and your kindness to me as an author) knows that you suffered the horrendous loss of a child. WHATEVER you do to memorialize her is good! Sometimes we simply need to cull out those who bring negativity into our lives, because, as you know only too well, life ain't worth it. Know that so many of us love you to pieces. And I'm glad you posted this. Bravo, my friend! xoxoxoxoxo

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    1. Thank you Martha. I was so taken aback by her comments. When I PMed her I tried giving her the benefit of the doubt, because I know that there are many people who don't like tattoos, but her comments just got more hurtful. I'm glad I was able to turn her hurtful words into motivation for others to be kinder and more sensitive to others uniqueness.

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  4. I have 6 tattoos an am planning my 7th and final in a way to honor my kids. Do what makes you happy and f@€# everyone else. Its your body. Your choice. Rock on book sister!!

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    1. Thank you sweetie. Some day you'll have to send me pics of your tattoos. I love seeing what others choose to have done.

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  5. No one can tell you how to grieve. Even if they have been down the same road no one grieves the same. Cannot imagine the loss of a child. Prayers to you

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    1. Thank you. I really appreciate the kind words. The pain you feel when you lose a child is like no other. It's something I wouldn't wish upon anyone.

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  6. Your tattoo is a beautiful memorial for your daughter. It's horrible you were treated the way you were. You are so right. Kindness and not judging always wins and makes a better person. :) Have a wonderful day and thanks for sharing.

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    1. Thank you Sue! If with this post I can encourage even one person to be kind to others, then my goal was achieved. I hope you have a wonderful day as well.

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  7. Planting a memorial garden could be seen as scarring a perfectly good lawn. Some people can only see what they want to and not appreciate that we all want to remember in different ways. You just keep rocking on, Marlene. Don't let the haters bring you down. You don't have time for that!

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    1. I couldn't agree with you more! Hate breeds hate, but if we teach by our actions then chances are others will be more prone to follow suit.

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  8. My something positive is that I'm so glad to have met you through FB and your posts and smiles brighten my day. Books are my saving grace and a book friend is the best!

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    1. I'm so glad we met too Gretchen. Seeing your posts and the smile on that beautiful son of yours melts my heart.

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  9. Not entering since that would be a conflict of interest, but I love the positive energy you put into the world. You're a beam of sunshine!

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    1. I adore you Melissa! You are one of the people in my life that brings me such joy. You are an example of how more people should be! Thank you for being you! xoxo

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  10. And having a book friend who is also a SN friend is a blessing!! God bless you for taking this and spinning it around into a positive.

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    1. It takes a special person to raise a SN child. I'm so glad we met and will always be here for you if you need someone to talk to, someone to listen, or just someone who has walked in similar shoes. xoxo

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  11. What a wonderful tribute to your beautiful daughter. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I've never been one to want a tattoo on me but that's a personal choice and I don't understand why people have to be so judgmental. My youngest son got his first tattoo at the age of 18 and has gotten a couple more. He's a musician and I thought his tattoos were really cool and well done. For the longest time he did not want my husband's parents and siblings to know he had them and would always wear a long sleeved shirt to hide them. They are very religious and he felt they were going to judge him. I told him he shouldn't worry about that so much and that it didn't really matter if they liked them or not or what they thought. It took awhile but he finally let them see the tats and it turned out not to be a big deal (which I'm so glad because I would have said something in his defense!). Thank you for sharing your story and also for sharing your love of books with the rest of us book nerds!! :-)

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    1. It's funny because my husband doesn't have any tattoos, but he absolutely loves the ones I have. He has told me many times how beautiful they are. I'm sure that the reason behind each of them, and that they are for our daughter, makes him love them even more. Your story makes me think of when I worked at a doctor's office. I would always wear a long sleeved lab coat to hide a tattoo on my wrist. The doctor asked me one day when it was very hot out why I had the lab coat on. When I told him that I didn't want the patients to think my tattoo was unprofessional he went on to say that having a tattoo doesn't change my ability to do my job and therefore I shouldn't feel the need to cover it. It was so nice for him to say that to me and made me realize that I shouldn't be ashamed on what I choose to do or the person I am.

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  12. Something that is special to me is the fact that I was in the delivery room when 2 of my 3 grandchildren was born.

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    1. That is an absolutely special event! I'm not a grandma yet, but hope that when the day comes to become one I'll have the honor of being in the delivery room too.

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  13. I think it is a beautiful way to remember your daughter. We each deal with our memories in our own way, and I certainly don't think I have the right to judge someone else for the way they choose to honor those precious memories.

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    1. Thank you Ann. Choosing to have tattoos doesn't make me a bad person. It just makes me ... ME! :) xoxox

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  14. while i can't imagine ever getting a tattoo, i love the way you are celebrating your daughter. so sorry for your lose.............

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    1. Thank you. I appreciate it. My hubby of 13 yrs doesn't have tattoos, and more than likely will never get one, but he respects my decision to have them. He even tells me how beautiful he thinks they are and allows me to express myself how I choose.

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  15. no one has the right to hurt others with words or deeds! your choices are yours alone, no one else has the right to judge them as long as you aren't hurting anyone.........

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    1. I couldn't agree more. I am a firm believer that if you are a good person and treat others with kindness that you are doing your part in the world.

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  16. Flowers are always a perfect way to remember people and celebrate life

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    1. I couldn't agree more. My daughter loved smelling flowers. I have countless pictures of her with her nose buried in a beautiful bloom.

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  17. Your tattoo is a beautiful tribute to your daughter. Grief is very personal and you are better off not being in contact with someone who would judge you so callously. Any experiences I've had with authors has been very positive. I believe the one who was rude to you is the exception rather than the rule.

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    1. I couldn't agree with you more. I'm not of the mind that one bad apple spoils the bunch. I am so blessed to have many author friends. Some of which are my closest friends. Some have tattoos, some don't. But that's the wonderful thing about friends. We don't all have to be alike to enjoy each other's company.

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  18. Thank you for sharing this. You are am inspiration, for how you handled this instant, and for facing a life we all think to be impossible.

    This is the lesson I aim to teach my children. We don't have to like everyone or even be friends with everyone... but we are always kind!

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    1. That is a great thing to teach your children. There will be things that we come across that we may not like or agree with, but choosing to vocalize them and risking hurting someone in the process is never the proper way to handle things. I battled with myself about writing this post because I didn't want to come across as judging her. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I can possibly help people with this post.

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  19. I don't understand the need for some people to be so insensitive. She was certainly entitled to her opinion, but what was the point in expressing it and causing pain? I also lost my daughter to leukemia. Next month it will be sixteen years, and I have a tattoo picked out to remember her but have yet to get it. Just can't decide where I want it. :) Your daughter was beautiful with an amazing smile! <3

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    1. I was taught that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Unless you have walked in my shoes, you will never know the pain I went through (and continue to feel each day without her). I am so very sorry for your loss. If you ever need to chat with someone who can relate to what you went through, know that I'm here. mengel2@nycap.rr.com xoxo

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  20. Your tattoo is beautiful and a wonderful way to memorialize your angel. I am getting a tattoo soon to memorialize my Dad. He died three days before my birthday - April 16, 2012 - but a card arrived in the mail after he passed. I am getting how he signed the card tattooed on me - "All my Love, Dad". Good for you for rising above! Your daughter would be proud :)

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    1. I got chills reading this. I love, love, love that you are going to get a tattoo of how he signed the card. That is beautiful! Please let me know how it turns out. I would love to see a pic when it's done!

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  21. What a wonderful way to remember your daughter. Your body, your art. No one has the right to judge you because they have not lived your life. No one should shame you for doing something so wonderful.

    Denise

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    1. Thank you. If we were all meant to look, act, feel the same then God would never have made us all so different. It's in our differences that beauty is found. I just hope that this person realizes the pain she caused and strives to never repeat her actions.

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  22. Life is hard. No one has the right to judge you for how you choose to handle any situation. You are kind to everyone and that is your legacy....I think of judgmental people as small. Your kindness is large.....so you go on and be you.

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    1. Thank you Bonnie. Such beautiful and uplifting words. Your kindness warms my heart.

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  23. First of all, I'm so sorry for all the health issues your daughter went through, and the pain you must have, and still do, feel. I am one of those people who would never get a tattoo, but I believe that it's a personal choice and no one should be judged someone because they have one, or 30. My best friend lost her daughter many years ago and she too decided to get a tattoo to honor her. Since then she has added many more. I have never said a negative word about her tattoos. Although we've shared many thoughts and secrets for almost 40 years and she's like a sister to me, her getting tattoos is none of my business. That's a very personal choice. Shame on that author.

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    1. Thank you Vicki. I have been with my husband for 16 yrs and married for 13. He doesn't have a single tattoo and more than likely will never get one. He respects that I choose to have them and even loves the ones I have. It's about expressing yourself the way you feel comfortable and not worrying about what other people may thing.

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  24. people need to think before they speak what you did was what you chose to do, nobody should judge you because you choose to remember a lost loved one with a tattoo.

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    1. Thank you Matt! You are one of the kindest people I know. You always brighten up my day and I am so grateful to have you as a friend.

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  25. I have a son with a genetic disorder... and I can't tell you how many times his feeling have been hurt from other kids (or adults) who just are plain cruel. So I can related to your feelings and bullying is totally unacceptable. I am surprised daily about how insensitive and cruel some people can be - not thinking before they act or speak! Sometimes I look at kids and wonder why/how they can be so cruel... but then you see adults, like this "friend" of yours act in this manner, and you realize where kids are learning their behavior from. Thanks for sharing this and I am glad you are stronger than this person and walked away with grace. Your tattoo is beautiful and a very sweet memorial to your daughter. So sorry for your loss.

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    1. Sharon, my daughter was not only blind, but had multiple developmental delays. She would sometimes have tantrums, and of course they would be at the worst possible places/times. I have had plenty of stares too. It's heartbreaking that people can't put themselves in our shoes and realize that we may have obstacles, but we're doing the best we can. I believe that hate breeds hate. If we educate our children the importance of kindness and that regardless of our unique qualities that we all seek love and acceptance then maybe more children will grow up to be kinder, loving adults.

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  26. That is terrible that someone would respond like that to your tattoo. Some people can be so insensitive. My something positive is that it's a beautiful day out today and I'm enjoying it.

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    1. Thank you Jessica. I hope you had a wonderful day. It's finally starting to warm up here. This weekend is supposed to be in the high 60s/low 70s and I'm planning on enjoying every minute of it. xoxo

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  27. Your tattoo is beautiful, thank you for sharing your story with us. The bright colors of it seem to match the bright smile of your sweet daughter; the artist did a fantastic job! I am a mother of two daughters (my oldest is also named Samantha) so I can only imagine the missing piece of your heart you must feel on a daily basis.

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    1. I can't even begin to explain how much I miss my daughter. After she passed I made a promise to do things that would make her proud. I hope I'm succeeding. Samanthas are special girls. xoxo

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  28. Marlene, I am so sorry for your loss. How you choose to remember her is your business. I don't have a tattoo-too chicken to get one. My daughter got a statement tattooed on her upper back and recently a phoenix on the whole of her back. My husband asked me if he had to like it. I said that he didn't, but that it was her choice, she's an adult and that I wasn't going to criticize it. It is a beautiful picture, and she had a reason for it--I think it's something to do with being reborn and new life (she's in the middle of a divorce). And you're correct, there is too much hate in this world.
    bluedawn95864 at gmail dot com

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    1. That's wonderful that you were so open minded. Your husband's honesty about not being a fan, but accepting it because it's his daughter is huge. We're not all expected to like or approve things that others do, but being nonjudgmental is the key.

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  29. grief changes shape, but it never ends...whatever way you need to grieve your daughter is your business. sharing the way you grieve is also your business. i don't have any idea why people can't respect others, and even if they don't agree with them, not to "attack" them or "be-little" them. sorry this person put those comments on there. sorry that they hurt you. you continue to do you, and surround yourself with positive :)

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    1. Nova, I've been through so much in life. Between having a chronic illness and almost losing my life to losing my daughter life isn't always kind. But I try to be good to others and hope that they reciprocate. Unfortunately not all people do. But I'll just continue being me. That's all I know how to do.

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  30. Our bodies are our own to express ourselves. Many of us choose to do so with tattoos in memory of a loved one. Always be proud of yours. I know I am of mine for each piece of love they show. Hold your head high pretty woman. Love you and your art

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    1. You of all people can relate to why I choose to get tattoos. I love the one that represents your grandchild. What a beautiful memorial piece. xoxo

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  31. Marlene, I am so sorry to hear that. I personally don't like tattoos, but that's just me. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and it's your body and skin, so it's nobody else's business but yours. I would never attack someone in that way, it's extremely hurtful and in bad taste. The fact that you have the garden in remembrance to your daughter must have made the comments hurt deep. Hold your head high. Karma will prevail. Love to you and your family <3

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    1. Thank you Lynn. It was extremely hurtful. I only hope that she realizes the pain she caused and makes peace with herself. Even if she doesn't contact me and express her sorrow, I hope she comes to realize it within herself.

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  32. My condolences for your loss and thank you for sharing. Always do what makes you happy, and if this is how you want to honor your daughter, I encourage you. Honestly, it's just sad that many people don't think before posting their comments. I feel it's an attempt to make others look bad; however, the reality is that those who are posting negative comments are making themselves look bad. Some people won't ever learn, unfortunately. Nevertheless, surround yourself with positive people.

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    1. Thank you Tatum. We're all human and say things we probably shouldn't have, but when I mentioned that it was for my deceased daughter and she went on to say more cruel things is when I realized that maybe that is just the type of person she is. Sad, so sad.

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  33. I'm so sorry for you loss and completely stunned at the response of that author. Sending you light and love. xo

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    1. Thank you Jennifer. The outpour of support and kind words has been overwhelming. I have made some amazing friends through this blog and consider each and every one of your my friend.

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  34. Chica! I'm sad and angry at the insensitivity of people! I remember all too well the day Sammy died! I remember taking Emily to the airport and just holding her because she couldn't go inside! I remember how devastating it was! Sammy was so beautiful and so loved! I'm not a huge fan of tatoos because I can't do pain! But no one has a right to tell you how to remember someone you lost! No one! Love you!

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    1. Thank you Tina. It was the worst time of our lives. To go from vibrant and full of life one moment to gone a week and a half after being diagnosed was heartbreaking. I couldn't have made it without the love and support of friends and family like you. I adore you. xoxo

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  35. When people says hurtful things, remember, that's on them, not you. It's their bad.

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  36. One of my favorite sayings is: If it's not illegal or immoral, then you're free to choose to do it. Period.

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    1. I love that Deb. I like to think that I'm a good person who makes a difference in this world. Should the skin art that I choose to get define me? Absolutely not! No more than how much money I have, what kind of car I drive or the clothes I wear. What makes me me is my heart. xoxo

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  37. Consider the source, then go from there. Some 'sources' deserve the delete key. Now try to delete the comments from your memory. They're not worth space in your head or your heart.

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    1. So very true. The author did me a favor my unfriending me.

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  38. I am surprised at how many people do not have a "filter" on their FB comments...good thing for the delete button! I think your tattoos are beautiful, but in true reality, they can't hold a candle to your beautiful daughter! ❤️

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    1. I couldn't agree more. My daughter was such a bright light in a (many times) dark world. The almost 1000 people who showed up for her wake and funeral were a testament to how many peoples lives she touched in the short 13 years she was on this earth.

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  39. Why can't people just keep their negative opinions to themselves?? (I don't have any tattoos myself, but I think your tattoo "garden" is a wonderful remembrance for your daughter.) I'm sorry you had to deal with that negativity, but good for you for turning it into a positive! Don't enter me in the giveaway - I already know how wonderful and kind you are and how much happiness you spread, so I want someone else to get to win the prize. Hopefully someone wins who needs a little pick-me-up! You're the best!

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    1. Thank you sweetie. I always try to turn a negative into a positive. Another example is after my daughter passed. I knew that I had to do something to keep her memory alive. I hosted a fundraiser for the non for profit special needs sporting program that she belonged to and raised over $25,000 in one day for them! Negativity has no place in my world. Actually, my oldest son tells me that I'm too happy and optimistic. I take that as a good thing ;)

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  40. Your memorial to your daughter is beautiful!

    As for one who's had three open-heart surgeries (my latest in 2002), the best thing that has happened to me was that I met a man, befriended him for two years, we started dating, and then he proposed--six years later. I'm blessed to say that we've been blissfully married for 6 years, and I wouldn't change a thing. The message behind this was that after years of hiding that part of my past, not everyone cares about appearances, and that they just love you, just the way you are, (I think I have my own Colin Firth).

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    1. Isabella, I've known you for how long and never knew this part of you! I hope you are doing well now. I can't even imagine all you've gone through. I love the positive that came out of it all. It reminds me of myself. I was very sick before meeting my husband. I had over 30 surgeries in the three years before meeting him. After we started dating and were getting serious I opened up to him about my surgeries and many of my not so appealing scars. His response was that it's about one's inside, not outside. We've been together for 16 yrs now! xoxo

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  41. I absolutely love this tattoo, Marlene!! It's beautiful... just like you and Samantha! I personally love tattoos and agree with you that it's a work of art... The details in this garden are absolutely amazing! You choosing everything you did in remembrance of your beloved daughter is what makes this tattoo even more beautiful! Don't listen to this negative, miserable person Marlene... You have dealt with more than I could ever imagine and yet still continue to smile... Just know that you inspire many people!!!

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    1. Thank you Christine! It's hard not to let hurtful comments get to you, but I took these and spun them into a positive. I love all that people are sharing. And, if even one person can take my experience and make themselves a better person then my goal was met! xoxo

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  42. This is so moving! Thanks for sharing your story! It will help a lot of people.

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    1. My pleasure Emily. It's so important to me to erase the hate that the world is filled with and replace it with love and kindness.

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  43. Kindness is king. You could make someone's day with just a simple kind word. I wish you well!

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    1. Absolutely! It's amazing how far a few kind words and a smile goes!

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  44. I'm very sorry for your loss. Embrace your tattoos in memory of your daughter. I'm a tattood mama myself and I constantly get stares from other mom's but I love my tattoos so I just smile because I'm happy with my life.

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    1. I also have a portrait tattoo of my daughter on the opposite shoulder of the one pictured. I wear that one with extra special pride. I live in a suburban town where some people can be uppity. I've heard comments while at my childrens' baseball games, but chalk it up to ignorance. If people would take the time to ask questions ... what made you get that? Is there a meaning behind them? Etc ... then maybe they would understand how special they can be to the person. Education is the key. Ask questions + get answers = a better understanding.

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  45. Hey my friend, you know that we have a mutual love of all things butterfly and how much they make us happy and remind us of our loved ones. I wish I lived closer to give you a big hug!

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    1. Thank you sweetie. Yes, butterflies have much significance to the both of us. There are things in life that not everyone will understand, but it's about accepting the unknown and loving the person just the same. xoxo

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  46. That's just not right for her to say those things. I think it's wonderful what you have done in memory of Samantha. I think the tattoos are beautiful and done in great taste. We have also been dealing with some bullying lately and it's been coming from my husband's boss and creating a lot of stress and worry in our house. He's been looking for another job and can't seem to find one. His boss has been getting where he doesn't give Russ any work either. this week he was lucky to be getting paid for 20 hours when he worked he worked over 50 hours. He had dealt with bullying from when he was a little boy being one of the only white people in his neighborhood and school and then for being shorter than the rest of the boys. Now he is getting it at his job and we aren't quite sure what the reason is. He was actually told earlier in the week to look for another job. People can be mean to others whether they are kids or adults. I think people need to keep their opinions to themselves. I totally believe if you don't have nothing nice to say keep your mouth shut. And I hate that it was an author that had to get nasty to you about something you feel so strongly about. You don't need people like that in your life.

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    1. Unfortunately it doesn't matter the age. People can be cruel no matter how young or old. I think the key is to bring it to their attention in hopes of them realizing the hurt they caused. In my case, that didn't help out. She continued to say nasty things. Some people can't be changed. For those, we just pray for them and hope that they have a revelation.

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  47. "Be yourself; everyone else is already taken" - Oscar Wilde. I've cared too much of what others think in the past, growing up. Too fat, not pretty, nerd...etc. What makes me happy now is to know who God made me to be. I'm me and it's all right. I love to eat and I love to read. Nothing wrong with that at all! When I need a pick me up, food and books are the perfect medicine.

    Thank you for this post.

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    1. I love that saying! It is so very true! I think we are each the perfect versions of ourselves. We are not clay that can be formed to how others want us. Nor are we puppets where one can put their hand up the back of our shirts and make us say what they want to hear. We were all created to be unique in our looks, actions and thoughts. Isn't that what makes us all so beautiful?

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  48. first i would like to say that i am sorry for you loss and i love the tattoo you have in memory of your daughter. I to have tattoo's that remind me of important moment on my life i dont want to forget. My children being born is a good one but my father passing is not but I have something in his honor on my body and everytime i see it i think of him and it makes me smile. so there it, if you are happy with it , then i say show it off.....

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    1. Thank you Jodi. Your kind words touch me. At the age of 42 I like the person that I am. I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm the perfect version of me. I feel that I'm a good person and have a lot to offer in this world. I know I will never be able to make everyone happy with the decisions I make and I'm okay with that. We all just need to accept others ... differences and all! xoxo

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  49. Your post was beautiful and inspiring. Life is short and we have to be kind, thoughtful and giving.

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    1. I absolutely agree. It's so simple to be kind, to extend a smile or kind word. We need more smiles and happiness and less sorrow and hate.

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  50. I am so sorry that you had that negative experience with one person. And I am sorry about your daughter. Personally, I don't think I would ever get a tattoo but I have admired so many of the beautiful ones I have seen. And the ones you have are so beautiful, especially since they are all so meaningful for you in honor of your daughter. Ignore the negativity and rejoice in your memories and love. ((((Hugs))))

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    1. Thank you Susan. To lose a child is the worst thing anyone could ever experience. Me choosing to "keep her with me" with tattoos is a personal decision. It's right for me, but not necessarily right for others. The person who had something to say about me when she saw my tattoos, would've had no clue I even had any if she saw me walking down the street. It's just a shame that some people choose to judge based on what they see on the surface. Typically if you dig down a little, you'll find that there is a lot of good to be found.

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  51. You have chosen a very special way to honor and remember your daughter. Never let anyone steal your sunshine!

    A special thing I have done recently is I gifted my bff with my old vehicle when I bought a new one. Yes, as in free and handed her the keys. It was in better shape than her car and then years newer than what she was driving.

    Much love - ingmankidsmom@gmail.com Jennifer Ingman

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    1. Thank you for your kind words Jen. They mean so much!

      Wow, to give your friend your car is a gift in and of itself, but the bigger gift is your friendship. She is so blessed to have you as a friend. Thank you so much for sharing this. Stories like these give me renewed hope! xoxo

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  52. Your tattoo is beautiful and a very special way to honor your daughter. Your beauty shines through and is wonderful. Happiness and a loving attitude is appreciated. Why do people have to be so harsh. When I was sick with breast cancer I hoped everyday for a card, or a small gesture from anyone since it is so meaningful when you are ill. I take care of those who are sick, and it makes me feel good.

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    1. I'm sorry that you had to suffer through breast cancer. I pray that you are doing well and cancer free! I have a chronic illness and spent much of three years in and out of hospitals and under the knife for procedures. I can relate to how you felt. I've been doing well for the past 16 yrs, but never forget all that I went through when I was ill. It made me a stronger person and one that appreciates everything life has to offer.

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  53. Your post made me cry and I hope that all of the wonderful comments you got helped to get rid of the bad post that hurt you. I don't understand any reason at all for someone to be cruel like she was to you. Just because someone expresses themselves differently than we do, it doesn't make them wrong. I don't know why some people think that the only right way is their way. Diversity is what makes our world so wonderful. I think that your tattoos are beautiful and I think that you should be proud of them!

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    1. Let me start by saying that I love you already because we share the same last name. My maiden name is Roberts!

      Thank you so much for the kind words. It amazed me that someone who makes a living with their written words would be quick to expel such hurtful ones. The outpouring of love, kindness and support from everyone has showed me that I truly have a wonderful support system around me. One that loves and accepts me for me. xoxo

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  54. While I personally have no tattoos I believe that everyone has the right to have them if they so desire. My youngest daughter has a tattoo on her shoulder to recognize her son, my oldest grandson, that has autism. It's beautiful and meaningful.

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    1. That is so beautiful that your daughter has a tattoo for her autistic son. Is it, by chance, a puzzle piece? I've seen many people with autistic ties get that as a tattoo. I am a huge advocate for the special needs population and have much love and respect for those who have special needs family members or choose to work with that amazing population. Because of my special needs daughter who passed away, we went on to adopt our youngest daughter from the special needs unit of our adoption agency. Those with "needs" are indeed "special" to me. xoxo

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  55. Book Mama you inspire strength and beauty. Your message is straight forward. I spent last year battling breast cancer. I am not out of the woods yet. One request I made after diagnosis was no I"m sorrys. We all need to be the picture of encouragement for others and embrace their differences. Nothing will change the loss you feel, but your little girl will always be with you!

    Jencey Gortney
    Writer's Corner

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    1. Thank you! Sending you love, strength and positive thoughts. You WILL be out of the woods. I'm sure of it. Cancer sucks!

      I can't believe it will be 10 years since she passed come Sept. I didn't think I could live one day without her, and here we are going on a decade. You don't know the strength you have until you are forced to find it.

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    2. Thank you! Sending you love, strength and positive thoughts. You WILL be out of the woods. I'm sure of it. Cancer sucks!

      I can't believe it will be 10 years since she passed come Sept. I didn't think I could live one day without her, and here we are going on a decade. You don't know the strength you have until you are forced to find it.

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  56. What a beautiful way to remember your daughter.

    I don't know why some people feel the need to be mean or insensitive.

    The world needs more kindness and love and smiles. "Samantha’s Garden" made me smile. It's joyous and meaningful.

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    1. Thank you Mary. I couldn't agree more. With all of the horrible things you hear on the news, we should spread more happiness and cheer. We need to lift people up instead of pushing them down. I guess I can only work on myself and hope others follow suit. xoxo

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  57. I can't imagine anyone thinking it would be okay to speak to you so horribly.

    A positive of mine? I have finally made peace with myself that I will never be a biological mother. My husband and I can't have our own child. I am a full time stepmom and that didn't fix the emptiness I felt but after seven years we are in a wonderful place as a family. I too deal with nosy people who feel they should ask me why I chose to not have kids. The people that ask this and judge don't know me. If they did they'd know my life isn't missing anything and that I have a lot of love for my little family.

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    1. Thank you Jenny.

      I have several friends who have had fertility issues and they've shared their struggles and heartache with me. I'm sorry that you had to go through that, but am happy to hear that you are in a good place now. Feel free to friend me on FB at https://www.facebook.com/mengel2 I would love to keep in touch. xoxo

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  58. I have always heard the worst loss is the loss of a child. I am so sorry that author did not feel compassion. My friend's daughter has twice battled AML leukemia. She has endured chemotherapy and a life saving bone marrow transplant. By the grace of God she is again in remission and is only in 6th grade. While MU friend feels blessed, there is not a day that goes by that my friend does not fear a recurrence. Recently, her daughter developed juvenile diabetes which seems to develop after chemo and bone marrow transplants. Her daughter has had an incredibly challenging week with her blood sugar levels uncontrolled. The doctors have been working with the family to manage and stabilize her blood sugar levels.

    At the same time, my friend is also raising her sixteen year-old son who has autism.

    I cannot imagine the painful loss you have experienced. However, you have always inspired me with your positive posts and obvious love for your family. What a beautiful way to honor Samantha and celebrate her life. I loved when you said that she always has your back.

    May God bless you. Peace be with you. I join you in praying for a cure.

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    1. My heart breaks for your friend. I have had friends whose children have battled years with cancer. Some doing amazing now and some who didn't win the battle. I wish my daughter was with me now, but am grateful that she didn't have to suffer for long. I will be praying for your friend and her family. No parent should have to watch as their child suffers. It's the most helpless feeling in the world. If your friend ever needs someone to reach out to that has been in her shoes, feel free to share my contact info with her. And she also has a child with autism? My daughter was special needs, so yet another area that I'm overly familiar with.

      Family is the most important thing to me. My parents are two of my best friends and I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for them and the rest of my family. Hopefully she has an amazing support system as well. xoxo

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    2. I will let her know. It has been a rough road. In addition to developing juvenile diabetes (after chemo and bone marrow transplant), her daughter now has to have a bone density scan. Her daughter had a small trip and fell. She ended up with a buckle break in her right upper arm. Through it all, her daughter smiles. I will send you an add invite to Megan's Musketeer's.

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  59. This is such a gorgeous way to memorialize Samantha and I love it! One positive thing I can think of is that I am leaving tomorrow to go on a cruise to Cozumel, MX; Labbadee, Haiti; Falmouth, Jamaica; and I'm so excited because it is my first cruise and my first vacation in almost two years!

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    1. Thank you Hailey. Ooooh, you will have to let me know how you like your first cruise. How long is the cruise? Are you going with friends/family/both? I expect to see lots of pics on FB!!!

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  60. Marlene, your tribute to your daughter is beautiful. I'm so sorry that someone from the community took that tone. We all celebrate what is important to us in different ways. It's this variety that makes the world so great! All of your children are lucky to have you! One thing that generally makes me happy (except for when people are being idiots) is the online community I have found. I've made some true friends through my book community, and I don't know where I'd be without them.

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    1. Thank you Kathryn. I couldn't agree more. I have made some lifelong friends through the online community of book lovers, authors, bloggers ... etc. It saddened me that I had to be the recipient of nasty comments, but it allowed me to open up this discussion with everyone. If this blog post helps people to be kinder and think before they pass judgement then it will all have been worth it.

      Speaking of online communities and authors. How crazy is it that we went to school together, I knew your brothers, you danced with and lived near my sister in law and we didn't even know each other? To have connected through books and finding out that we live just minutes apart is crazy!

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  62. You truly are a beautiful and kind person <3 While I know you miss your daughter so much, continue celebrating her love and happy memories! Hugs to you Marlene <3

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    1. Thank you sweetie. May 9 will be her birthday. She would've been turnin 23. I'll be in Florida during that time and will celebrate her birthday at the beach. She loved seashells ... she enjoyed feeling the different textures ... so I'll be sure to collect some shells for her. xoxo

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  63. Very beautiful way to remember your daughter <3

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  64. Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. -Mother Theresa

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  65. "A warm smile is the universal language of kindness." -William Arthur Ward

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  66. "Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you." -Princess Diana

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