Book Blurb:
Love and Lists is the first book in the Chocolate Lovers spinoff
Chocoholics:
The foulmouthed offspring tell their stories.
Twenty five year old Gavin Ellis has always had the love and support of
his family ever since he was a little boy and couldn't stop talking about his
penis. He's also always had their unsolicited advice and uncanny knack of
embarrassing him at all costs. Now that he's an adult and trying to convince
the love of his life to love him back, things haven't changed very much from
when he was younger.
When Gavin's best friend Tyler suggests he make a todo list of items
that will ensure he wins the girl, Gavin is one hundred percent on board: after
a few six packs.
After puking in the shrubs, a bad experience with Viagra, a Sex Ed
course gone wrong, and a slew of other mishaps courtesy of his family and
friends, Gavin is pretty sure this list will be the death of him.
Sometimes, trying to make someone love you with a list isn't always the
best idea. Especially when "Show her your penis" is the first
"todo" item...
Excerpt:
My
grandfather George is pretty bad-ass. For the first few years of my life
we lived with him, and I have some of the best memories ever from that
time. He always let me watch whatever I wanted on TV, and I could swear
as long as I never told my mom. My grandfather is the king of stringing
together long, completely inappropriate words that hardly ever make sense but
sound good coming out of his mouth when he’s pissed off. He used to let
me practice my run-on sentence curses until one day I said
“Shit-poop-hell-freak-monkey” and I was banned from cursing. He shook his
head at me sadly and told me he was disappointed in my lack of effort.
“It’s
about time you got here. There’s too much estrogen in this house,” Pops
complains as he lowers the volume on the TV.
“Where
is everyone?” I ask.
“Sue’s
in the kitchen with your mother and Sophie.”
“Dad’s
here, isn’t he?”
“Like I
said, too much estrogen,” Pops deadpans.
Flopping
down on the couch next to him, I let out a great big sigh.
When
Pops doesn’t say anything, I sigh again, hoping he’ll get the hint.
“Just
spit it out, kid. You know I don’t do the whole touchy-feely thing, so
don’t expect me to ask you what’s wrong.”
I
should be used to his crass bedside manner by now, but I’m not. Being
subtle isn’t one of his strong suits.
“So,
there’s this girl I’m in love with—”
“Yeah,
Charlotte, I heard,” he interrupts. “She’s not out of your league, if
that’s what you’re worried about.”
Well
thanks a lot. I wasn’t thinking that at all until now.
“She
doesn’t know that I’m in love with her. We’ve known each other since
birth, and it’s a little hard to just come right out and tell her at this
point,” I explain.
“Stop
being a pussy and just tell her,” Pops replies.
“But
what if she doesn’t love me back?”
Pops
shrugs and turns back to the TV. “Then grow a pair and get over it.
Jesus mother of fuck Christ in a piss shithole, dick for brains, the answer is
bathtub.”
Tara Sivec is a wife, mom, chauffeur, cheerleading
coach, soccer coach, babysitter, shortorder cook, genius and albino squirrel
hunter. She lives in Ohio with her husband and two kids. In her spare time she
likes read, write and cover things in chocolate. Most of her material comes
from real life experiences with family and friends. Lucky for them, the names
have been changed to protect the innocent (aka, drunk).
Tara also writes under the pen name T.E.
Sivec where she can be serious, suspenseful and not at
all funny.
Connect with Tara at:
a Rafflecopter giveaway
.jpg)
